Journalist Mick Boskamp writes about addiction and the role Castle Craig's addiction treatment has played in his life. In the Netherlands, Castle Craig offers outpatient addiction care in the form of day treatment, individual therapy and group therapy.
When I said goodbye to Castle Craig in Scotland in February 2014 and was driven to the airport, I knew one thing for sure: "I would never go here again."
Journalist Mick Boskamp writes about addiction and the role Castle Craig's addiction treatment has played in his life. In the Netherlands, Castle Craig offers outpatient addiction care in the form of day treatment, individual therapy and group therapy.
When I said goodbye to Castle Craig in Scotland in February 2014 and was driven to the airport, I knew one thing for sure: "I would never go here again."
Never thought possible
Never say never. Because this Saturday I am flying with two men, with whom I shared joys and sorrows in the castle and who have since become fellows in the broadest sense of the word, to Edinburgh to attend the annual reunion of Castle Craig the next day. And what I never thought possible when I was there for 4 1/2 months is that I am deeply looking forward to this journey.
Learned that everything is good
Yet I also find it exciting. What will go through my mind as we drive up the driveway to the castle? What kind of memories will I get? At the same time, I'm not really worried about that. Because whatever memories arise, I learned in Scotland that everything is good.
Angry at the whole world
When I think back to that life-changing period, and this week I am obviously a bit more concerned with it than usual, then I came across myself there in a merciless way. Day after day I was anxious, sorry, ashamed, feeling guilty, angry with the whole world and consumed with self-pity. But otherwise it went well with me.
As a time-released drug
Even when I was back in the Netherlands, I still had a hard time. But little by little, step by step, sometimes taking a step back, I started to feel better and better. As if everything I had learned in Castle Craig was incorporated into my system as a time-released drug.
The searchlight in my life
And now, when I look at what I have, especially the love that radiates to me from all sides, not a day goes by that I don't get a lump in my throat with happiness. And often I realize that the apparently deeply dark period between October 2013 and February 2014 has been the searchlight in my life.
A few more nights of sleep and I am with my friends at Castle Craig.
I think I should squeeze my arm just as hard.